Awesome day. It was shaping up to be craptastic - a friend's confession that she once yelled at her toddler "I WILL BREAK YOU!" after he wouldn't come when she called and it was driving her nuts came to mind as I attempted to wrangle L into her shoes and coat and get all our various and sundry bags out the door and into the car. An event at work that I was stressing about became somewhat more stressful, and frankly, pretty impossible to safely pull off due to circumstances beyond my control. In the midst of all that, I forgot my tea and had to settle for the crap stuff at work. Blah blah blah.
Then a miraculous thing happened. I made an executive decision about the event and postponed it. I promised myself a chai latte after work, caffeinated myself with the not-as-yummy stuff at work. I was expecting huge blowback from my team (who have proven themselves pretty hard to work with and not always that understanding at the best of times) about the postponed event but as I explained the circumstances and expressed my regret, it's like something just switched. They were completely understanding, and even though they were disappointed, there was no fallout. We proceeded to have a pretty amazing day - the best since this team was assembled two months ago. Lots was accomplished. Lunch was had, breaks were taken, assignments were breezed through, people worked together and cooperated. I didn't get a headache or feel tempted to walk out of the room and not come back. The most difficult team members became reasonable and easy to work with. It was, in short, an early November miracle.
I lavished them with praise and a couple small perks and am cautiously optimistic that we've turned some sort of corner and that our days are going to be more like today and less like the days that preceded today from here on out.
I got the latte and even had a few minutes to make a (sadly unsuccessful) foray into a couple stores to try to find L some snowpants before picking up a grinning toddler from daycare. L was content to dance in the kitchen while I got dinner ready and the Mister got home from work in time to eat with us. L went to bed with no fuss and I'm about to head that way myself.
Quite possibly the most perfect day I've had in a LONG, long time. May it continue!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Some tea and insight
**Note: for the purposes of this blog, I've decided not to use my daughter's name. Instead I will refer to her as L. This may change later on, but for now, the kid is L.
Yesterday L and I hosted a good friend and her daughter for afternoon tea and sweets. We can't exactly call it a playdate as my friend's daughter is a very responsible 13 year old! It was just so great to have some time to reconnect with my friend while the kids kept one another busy. My friend's daughter brought a whole grocery bag full of her old toys that she wanted to give to L and, for the most part, they were great hits. Which was another reminder to me - L was SO excited and absolutely loved all these handmedown dolls and toys and spent much of the day dragging around a stuffed dog, a couple of dolls and wearing a fanny pack from the bag. I honestly think that, if I can just learn to take half of the joy in the little things that the kid does, I'll be in a much happier place.
The friend that was visiting is familiar with "THAT person" from work, so understood what I was referring to when I told her that I felt like I was turning into "THAT person". She pointed out I have a number of factors that are probably contributing - a perfect storm of circumstances, if you will. The transition from maternity leave to working mom, new boss (who can't, honestly, hope to compare to the awesomeness that was my old boss) and a team that just isn't, for whatever reason, "gelling" so far. I guess it's good that I've gained that insight, but the fact remains that I can't do much directly about any of those factors - not working isn't an option, I don't have any control over who my boss is and I can only keep attempting to encourage my team to work towards positive and cooperative relationships with each other.
The only thing that I DO have control over, and this is what the Mister keeps pointing out to me, is my own attitude toward it all. His advice is to "fake it 'til you make it". Not really sure how to do that when I had to leave the room on Friday at work because I was so frustrated and angry that I was about to burst into tears. Anyone out there have any tips?!
Yesterday L and I hosted a good friend and her daughter for afternoon tea and sweets. We can't exactly call it a playdate as my friend's daughter is a very responsible 13 year old! It was just so great to have some time to reconnect with my friend while the kids kept one another busy. My friend's daughter brought a whole grocery bag full of her old toys that she wanted to give to L and, for the most part, they were great hits. Which was another reminder to me - L was SO excited and absolutely loved all these handmedown dolls and toys and spent much of the day dragging around a stuffed dog, a couple of dolls and wearing a fanny pack from the bag. I honestly think that, if I can just learn to take half of the joy in the little things that the kid does, I'll be in a much happier place.
The friend that was visiting is familiar with "THAT person" from work, so understood what I was referring to when I told her that I felt like I was turning into "THAT person". She pointed out I have a number of factors that are probably contributing - a perfect storm of circumstances, if you will. The transition from maternity leave to working mom, new boss (who can't, honestly, hope to compare to the awesomeness that was my old boss) and a team that just isn't, for whatever reason, "gelling" so far. I guess it's good that I've gained that insight, but the fact remains that I can't do much directly about any of those factors - not working isn't an option, I don't have any control over who my boss is and I can only keep attempting to encourage my team to work towards positive and cooperative relationships with each other.
The only thing that I DO have control over, and this is what the Mister keeps pointing out to me, is my own attitude toward it all. His advice is to "fake it 'til you make it". Not really sure how to do that when I had to leave the room on Friday at work because I was so frustrated and angry that I was about to burst into tears. Anyone out there have any tips?!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Duck!
This is approximately my umpteenth attempt at starting a blog. I've started them about vacations (had one, then nothing to speak of for ages, so what's the point?!), being pregnant (one post about the excitement and nausea of being 13.5 weeks along and then we started planning a move and there was work and then an actual baby, which will suck up a lot of one's time), one that I started because I was bored (that was a particularly inspired attempt. Might have been good for those suffering from insomnia.). There are probably others that I've forgotten about, floating out there in cyberspace.
Anyway, new attempt, new blog, new focus.
I've always been what I'd like to consider an optimistic cynic. I'm a teen/young adult of the 90's and the slacker attitude and esthetic has always been strong in me. Although I've grown past the point where I think Docs are appropriate footwear for all occasions and generally buy clothes a) new and b) that actually fit me now, I've still got the whole sarcastic cynic thing going strong. This generally isn't a problem for me, as I said, I've still managed to, aside from some dramatic and usually short lived drama queen moments, look on the bright side and believe that people are basically good, life is generally pretty awesome and that everything will be alright in the end.
Until recently. When some combination of events or circumstances or the alignment of the stars has produced in me a funk. And the sarcastic cynicism is turning into bitterness and, at times, anger. Not the productive sort of anger either - the kind that will get you out protesting injustices and tyring to change the inequities of the world. No, this is the kind that makes me about as fun to be around as that person at your work who sort of stomps around like Eeyore with anger management issues. In fact, it occurred to me that this was an issue when I was standing in the staff room, talking to THAT person at my work, and finding myself agreeing with everything she said and adding my own gripes and complaints to her list of grievances.
I have no idea why this is happening now, but I do know that I don't like it and that it's time to make a concerted effort to combat it, since I've always hated those ragey mopey types and most certainly don't want to be one.
And let me be perfectly clear. I have nothing - NOTHING - to be bitter about. I've got a great husband, an awesome kid, a good job that pays fairly and gives me kickass holidays, a nice house in a decent neighbourhood, a loving family, good friends... The real problems in my life are, in the grand scheme, pretty run of the mill and the sorts of issues that everyone deals with - we do okay, but at the end of the month things can get pretty tight money-wise, some worries about raising a kid, a growing desire to relocate to a smaller city, a feeling like there's never enough time. But that's it. So many people would kill for my life. Hell, 10 years ago I'D have killed for my life (aside from maybe the kid - I wouldn't have been ready for that!).
So it's time to turn it around before I become that person that others actively avoid since she's about as fun as a run through a patch of thistles. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but feel marginally better just knowing that I'm ready to mobilize when I figure it out. I've never been much of a self-help book person, but there may be some of that. Maybe some of that feel-good gratitude journal schmaltz that Oprah's always going on about.
Right now I've decided to try to be more like, and soak up more time with, the most positive person in my life. The one who gets a charge out of saying "Hello!" to the decorative scarecrow on our front porch. The one who, when she finds something funny, laughs with her entire being. The one who finds joy in almost everything. The one who inspired the title of this blog because her glee at recognizing a picture of a duck (or, on a few particularly amazingly exciting occasions, seeing an actual specimen) leads her to shout the word with pure joy and nothing but optimism, "DUCK!"
Anyway, new attempt, new blog, new focus.
I've always been what I'd like to consider an optimistic cynic. I'm a teen/young adult of the 90's and the slacker attitude and esthetic has always been strong in me. Although I've grown past the point where I think Docs are appropriate footwear for all occasions and generally buy clothes a) new and b) that actually fit me now, I've still got the whole sarcastic cynic thing going strong. This generally isn't a problem for me, as I said, I've still managed to, aside from some dramatic and usually short lived drama queen moments, look on the bright side and believe that people are basically good, life is generally pretty awesome and that everything will be alright in the end.
Until recently. When some combination of events or circumstances or the alignment of the stars has produced in me a funk. And the sarcastic cynicism is turning into bitterness and, at times, anger. Not the productive sort of anger either - the kind that will get you out protesting injustices and tyring to change the inequities of the world. No, this is the kind that makes me about as fun to be around as that person at your work who sort of stomps around like Eeyore with anger management issues. In fact, it occurred to me that this was an issue when I was standing in the staff room, talking to THAT person at my work, and finding myself agreeing with everything she said and adding my own gripes and complaints to her list of grievances.
I have no idea why this is happening now, but I do know that I don't like it and that it's time to make a concerted effort to combat it, since I've always hated those ragey mopey types and most certainly don't want to be one.
And let me be perfectly clear. I have nothing - NOTHING - to be bitter about. I've got a great husband, an awesome kid, a good job that pays fairly and gives me kickass holidays, a nice house in a decent neighbourhood, a loving family, good friends... The real problems in my life are, in the grand scheme, pretty run of the mill and the sorts of issues that everyone deals with - we do okay, but at the end of the month things can get pretty tight money-wise, some worries about raising a kid, a growing desire to relocate to a smaller city, a feeling like there's never enough time. But that's it. So many people would kill for my life. Hell, 10 years ago I'D have killed for my life (aside from maybe the kid - I wouldn't have been ready for that!).
So it's time to turn it around before I become that person that others actively avoid since she's about as fun as a run through a patch of thistles. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but feel marginally better just knowing that I'm ready to mobilize when I figure it out. I've never been much of a self-help book person, but there may be some of that. Maybe some of that feel-good gratitude journal schmaltz that Oprah's always going on about.
Right now I've decided to try to be more like, and soak up more time with, the most positive person in my life. The one who gets a charge out of saying "Hello!" to the decorative scarecrow on our front porch. The one who, when she finds something funny, laughs with her entire being. The one who finds joy in almost everything. The one who inspired the title of this blog because her glee at recognizing a picture of a duck (or, on a few particularly amazingly exciting occasions, seeing an actual specimen) leads her to shout the word with pure joy and nothing but optimism, "DUCK!"
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